Someone suggested I write a blog. Na not my style but I’ve thought that actually it’s not such a bad idea. So I’m taking it up for Lent.
Given up so much over the last few months that taking something up feels a better idea.
There seems to be a lot of information out there about ME/CFS and a lot of it points to the severe end of it. I want to unpick the other end. The end where yes you know somethings wrong but you don’t really believe you are ill; and it can’t be that. If you don’t no wonder others don’t.
So much has changed since last Lent. A very busy year, 10ks, Cleveland Way, poorly wife, new job etc. I crashed spectacularly in the Autumn; then got up again and crashed again. I was diagnosed with Mild ME/CFS in January.
A diagnosis I am (hence maybe blogging is a plan) struggling to own as being mine. I care for people; I don’t do sick I just crack on. I am still JUST hanging on at work if reduced hours. I’m not bed or house bound so it can’t be that. I have to admit sometimes that feels like the better idea withdrawing to bed but I’m bloody stubborn but pushing through is probably not the best thing to do if I want to keep it as mild.
I’ve been lucky to get an early diagnosis that I can change my fast paced life. I don’t want to one bit and I will run, cycle and climb again; I can’t and won’t give in. Yes I’m knackered beyond knackered. But aren’t we all. My body hurts all the time you know that overall ache when you have the flu, proper flu that I’ve only had once. Also what’s this about; I’m so bloody tired but I can’t sleep! Just daft. But the worst bit for me, pins and needles in my hands, that just drives me mad. The scariest though is when I push through too hard and my brain stops. It’s like a record on the wrong speed. But it’s ok I’ve not got ME/CFS I’m not in bed I’m still at work. I’ll be fine.